Tunes, hymns, melodies and songs are seen as essential elements in a traditional funeral. But what’s normal? Whether that’s group singing, solo performances or a mix of both, choosing the right music for a loved one’s funeral can be extremely challenging.
Music at a funeral needs to reflect the personality, or wishes, of the person who’s died.
For some this will be traditional hymns in a church setting. For others, it’s a steel band with gospel choirs, or just a family singing chart favourites around a woodland grave with an iphone. It’s vital to respect the wishes set out by the deceased, or in the absence of anything explicit, to respect their style and tastes.
Four tips for picking music
1. Consider mourner expectations
Traditionalists v modernists, religious v contemporary, formal v informal? If the participants tend towards one end of the spectrum, it’s best to avoid extreme choices that could cause offence. Personalising a funeral strikes a balance between how the person who’s died would want to be remembered with how the mourners remember them.
2. Solos or choirs
Some mourners can find singing tough. Often, raw emotion gets in the way and music intended to rally spirits, can end up falling short of expectations. This is often solved by booking choirs, soloists or other performers who are independent to the funeral. We’ve had steel, jazz, pipe and rock bands to children’s, men’s or hospice choirs both live and pre-recorded.
3. Location, location, location
Cathedrals and churches lend themselves well to booming organs and large crowd singing, where hymns are popular. Graveside burials – both woodland and cemetery – are at the mercy of the elements such as wind and rain or other distractions like passers-by. Crematoria and service room offer sound systems to provide backing music or playlists and can often display lyrics on a central screen. So your choice of venue can often help shape decisions around music.
4. Timing
If there’s one thing that will “tip you over the edge emotionally”, it’s a well chosen piece of music. So choose carefully the right time to play it. Music at the start may need to be suitable for playing up to 30 minutes before as mourners gather. The final song is often treated as a finale, and may not be suitable for playing on a loop as people leave the venue. In-service reflections are recommended to be around 4 minutes not much more.
Have a look at Needing Inspiration to Choose Music at a Funeral? for the most popular choices we’ve had over the last 12 months.