It is something families occasionally wonder about, although they don’t always feel comfortable asking. And with recent headlines in the UK, there’s good reason to ask this important question.
When someone you love has been cremated, how can you be sure the ashes returned to you are theirs?
Let us answer this with confidence. We want to reassure families that a person’s identity is carefully managed throughout the entire cremation process – even before in our funeral home. From the point at which a coffin arrives at the crematorium to the moment cremated remains are returned to a funeral director, interred or scattered, there are procedures, paperwork and checks designed to ensure that identity remains with them.
A useful way of thinking about it is as a passport that accompanies someone on their final journey.
Before a cremation takes place, information and documentation will already have been provided to the crematorium to arrange and authorise it. Further paperwork accompanies the coffin on the day. This identification stays with the person throughout the process and is checked at each stage by the crematorium team.
When the cremation is complete, that same care continues. Before ashes can be transferred, returned to a funeral director, interred or scattered in a Garden of Remembrance, checks are carried out by the crematorium team. What happens next depends on the instructions given by the family or executor.
When the ashes return to our care
We work with families across 27 locations, and there is no single answer to what happens to ashes after a cremation.
Some families know exactly what they would like to do. Others need time to think.
Ashes may remain safely in our care for a period. In Edinburgh, we have an ashes library that can store ashes for an unlimited time providing families with time to reflect who may be unsure, or unable, to say goodbye finally. For others, ashes may be transferred into an urn, casket or scatter tube chosen by the family or indeed, the person who’s died. They might be shared between relatives or used to create memorial jewellery, glass keepsakes or other objects that provide a personal connection and allowing members of a family to keep a loved one close by.
Instructions can change too. What feels right before a funeral may not be so after the event. Families have access to our client portal in which they can record and change instructions in the run up to the funeral. Even immediately afterwards, their original plans may not feel right. We understand that.
When ashes are returned to one of our funeral homes, they are checked in and registered. They remain securely stored, with access controlled, until we receive instructions about what should happen next. If they are being collected or returned to a family member, appropriate identity checks are carried out. And we will continue to reach out to families to remind them so a loved one is never forgotten.
Why the checks matter
There is strict regulation governing the management of ashes in Scotland, alongside the procedures followed by crematoria and funeral directors. As one of the largest independent, family-owned funeral firms, with five generations of experience and teams working across 27 communities north and south of the border, we have also developed our own policies and procedures around the care and management of cremated remains.
That experience matters.
Not because it means we assume we know what every family wants, but because we understand how important the detail can become. A family may want to know exactly where their loved one’s ashes have been since the cremation. They may want to divide them between several relatives. Someone may change their mind about scattering them. Another person may want to take ashes abroad, or commission a piece of memorial jewellery. These aren’t administrative details to us. They are decisions involving someone’s parent, partner, child, sibling or friend.
We’re also aware that there have been distressing cases, both recently and historically, involving the mishandling of ashes. It is understandable that families may hear those stories and wonder whether they should be concerned.
Our response is not simply to ask families to trust us. It’s to explain the process.
To show them how identity checks work. To explain what happens at each stage. To ensure our teams understand the responsibility placed on them. And to maintain the standards of care that our name and reputation have been built on for generations.
So if you have ever wondered whether the ashes you receive really are those of your loved one, please ask. It’s an important question we can answer.
Reassurance shouldn’t simply be something we’re able to offer. It should come from knowing exactly why you can have confidence in us.